Dating In The Dark : The Andrew Stone Episode

The tagline for this episode was:

Two Guys, Three Girls and Andrew Stone.
I have a feeling that Andrew may have encouraged that subtitle as it encompasses everything that he promotes about himself.  He explains to camera that he understands why Robbie Williams has never found love (even though Mr W got married just this week to his girlfriend of over three years…).  All the time the backing track is “Filthy Gorgous” by the Scissor Sisters – a band that Andrew admires and emulates with his own band, Starman.

The structure of Dating In The Dark remains unchanged so the first meeting of all the guys and all the girls in the same room together is, unsurprisingly, in the dark.  Cameras are positioned around the room with ‘night vision’ but the participants cannot see anything at all.  Informal “bar chat” takes place and someone poses a question about dating celebrities.  One of the girls says that she believes that the celebrity on screen is not usually the same as the celebrity off screen.  Andrew is seen nodding to himself, pleased with that analogy.

The dating starts and the participants only have the informal chat as first impressions.
Vicki chooses to ‘date’ Andrew first.
Shot to camera:  Andew says “I’m a people person.  I bounce off people like a billiard table”.
After the date, Vicki says that she would like to date Andrew again

Andrew invites Natalie for a date
Andrew says to Natalie that she has a voice for radio.
Amazingly, Natalie can’t decide whether that is a compliment or not.
(of course, as we all understand Andrew so well, we already know that this is a compliment)
After the date Natalie says that Andrew is arrogant.
After the date Andrew says that Natalie “tried to control Andrew Stone, but no-one controls Andrew Stone.  Andrew Stone controls Andrew Stone.”

A few other dates take place.  If you’ve never seen it before then the only way I can explain Dating In The Dark is that it is like a pre-watershed version of a swingers party.  In the dark.  This supposedly takes away the element of prejudice.

Next a Compatibility Test takes place – all computerised and hi-tech.
Andrew is matched with Vicki at 72% with their most compatible traits being reliability, vanity and open-mindedness.
Andrew explains (to camera again) that he is so deep and that you can’t just be a glamour model (as Vicki has  already confessed that she is one) to be compatible with him.
Andrew cartwheels down the corridor as he goes to the ‘date’.
Andrew speaks to camera once more: “When the Stone-Zone is in the room you are going to dance.  I’m going to make you dance”
Cut to show of Andrew making Vicki-with-the-big-tits dance but, to be fair, she appears to be enjoying it and joining in rather enthusiastically.

It is at this moment I question why no-one has realised who he is.  Do these people not watch television?  How has the genius that is ‘Pineapple Dance Studios’ passed them by?

Andrew tries to guess Vicki’s weight by suggesting that she is above 8 stone but less than 9-and-a-half stone.
Vicki is visibly offended by this and decides that she doesn’t want to see him again.

At some point around here is some footage showing the other couples.  I’m not sure what happens here as I have gone to make a brew.

The opening shot after the ad-break is of Andrew stretching because he doesn’t want to pull anything if things get frisky (too much innuendo, too little time).
The other male participants (oh yes, their names are Paul and Justin) ask him what he is doing.  I’m sure we are to believe that this is not a set up as Andrew is currently sat in splits.  He turns onto his back, holds his feet in the air and asks Justin to stretch his legs back into splits mode.  There is far too much orgasmic groaning from Andrew for me to feel comfortable in my own home now so I watch the next bit from behind the cushion.  He is now leaning on a windowsill or something holding his right leg up by his right ear, trying to get the other lads to join in, making some grinding movements.
It is a real shame that you cannot un-see things.

Shot to camera with Andrew talking about being a team player.
The caption underneath says: “Andrew, 37”
I am going to have to contact Living TV as I am sure they have this information wrong.  Andrew told us on ‘Pineapple Dance Studios’ earlier this year that he was 28 years old.  I hope he gets an apology from Living TV.

Now it is time for a final date.  There have been three opportunities to request dates in Dating In The Dark and next to go on a final date is Andrew Stone.  No-one has asked Andrew on a final date but he has requested a date with Natalie.
She is intrigued by Andrew.
Andrew says (to camera) that he has a natural gift to help people open up and [..] to be free and encourage them to try new things.  He wants to paint her face.
Then he asks her for a kiss…..
He says kiss was really good
She says it was really short

Some of the other couples date each other *yawn*

Now is the first time the daters can see each other in the light.  For those not familar with the format of the show, each particpant can request to see one person in the light.  Both start off in a dark room, the light shines on each person in turn and they cannot see the other persons reaction.  No-one is allowed to speak or show emotion.

I wonder what Andrew’s reaction to this part of the show is?  Oh, don’t worry – he shares his thoughts with the camera again:
“Now they are going to see they’ve been dating the A-Bomb… the A-Unit… the Starman.”

Andrew wants to see Natalie first.
Natalie is still drawn to him so does want to see what he looks like.
Andrew sees Natalie and nods approvingly.
Natalie sees Andrew and appears to be disappointed and confused.
She says to the other girls in the room afterwards that she’s sure she recognises him but she’s unsure from where.

By this point I’m convinced that Andrew isn’t going to get an “after show” date as when Vicky saw Justin she was very excited about his looks and when Natalie saw Paul she was almost dancing.  That only leaves Maria (sorry, she hasn’t had a mention yet – she was very beige) who wants to see Paul.
Oohhh, what’s going to happen?

In the final segment each participant has to decide whether they want to meet up with one of the other participants.  They send out invites and either wait in a room to see if someone turns up to take them on a real date or they walk out or they stand their date up.

Vicky WLTM (would like to meet – hey, get me) Justin and he is given the decision of whether to go to her room or walk out.  He decides to meet her and they walk out hand-in-hand!

Andrew doesn’t know whether to meet Natalie or just to walk out.  He imparts the wisdom that is knowing that scientifically you look for someone who looks like yourself so, with that logic, he as decided not to date Natalie.  He has loved Dating In The Dark because people judged him for who he is rather than his celebrity status and he will miss that.  His final words of wisdom are:
There’s always more fish in the pond – you just have to keep casting your rod.

And just so you know what happens to the other contestants:
Natalie wanted to meet Paul.
Paul liked Natalie for her personality.
Paul preferred Maria’s looks.
Natalie and Maria waited in separate rooms to see who Paul would choose.
Paul chose neither and walked out alone.

The End

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14 Responses to “Dating In The Dark : The Andrew Stone Episode”

  1. What an obnoxious twat he is; so far up himself that it must surely be painful … and I really hope that it is.

  2. LOL STARMAN SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. jim o brunt brunt Says:

    WHAT. A. CUNT.

  4. Racist! – so obvious Andrew Stone was absolutely disgusted that Natalie was’nt Caucasian – what a disgrace to humanity both he and Paul represented.

    My grandad served in the Army along side Black soldiers, for this country – an always said they were among the most loyal comrades.

    Starman is a joke!

  5. charlotte moyes Says:

    i lv u andrew no matterwhat othrs say xx came 2 london 2 hv a dance wiv u and by heck i kved it xx and ill b cng u in durham on thursday the 14th my home town I LOVE U MR STONE and wuld 2 b mrs stone lol lv u lv u lv u xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  6. andrew stone is an idiot, he is obviously 37 not 28.. he wishes he was 28

  7. Paul was racist? Unreal

  8. Mary Prince Says:

    At least Andrew acknowledged that Natalie was attractive but just wasn’t his type, which is more than can be said for Paul. He needs to get over his blonde fixation- Maria has dark roots, is a peroxide blonde and Natalie was clearly the best looking, less fake girl on the show!

  9. PAUL IS A DICK!!!! I WAS ROOTING FOR HIM AND NATALE!!!!! :/

  10. Paul and adrew were racist come on people that is’ why we live in such a messed up world don’t be blind or stupid.

  11. BanjoBilly Says:

    Andrew stone is 37, he just said to those girls he was 28 because he’s embaressed at how old he is

  12. Magnifico Says:

    Natalie is way older than me but had I been in pauls position I would have continued dating natalie for proximity to play its part. Smtimes we find someone attractive who we percieved unattractive yet nothing much has changed abt them. Paul should have compromised

  13. McMassive Says:

    Andrew stone – the most unfamous man in Britain

    • PETEY ARMSTRONG Says:

      I beg to differ Mr or Mrs McMassive, Andrew is quite famous in my town of Penilee, in fact myself, my friend Gareth and at least 3 other people voted for him in Big Brother and I know for a fact that myself and Gareth have Starman T shirts (home made admittedly) so to say he is unfamous is in fact wrong, Ive never heard of you which makes you even more unfamous, how do you like them apples Mr or Mrs nobody?? Andrew is a shining light in the dark world we live in today. And Ricky, why are you so hung up on Andrews age? I know you is just jealous coz you is probably abouot 40 or something and still live with your mum, I cant wait for the Andrew Stone comeback, its going to be AWESOME! if you think the Take That comeback tour was special, just wait to see what Andrew does! Im not going to get angry with all the Andrew Stone haters but just remember this you can hate all you want but Andrew will still love you, providing you are caucasian or lightly tanned

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